Where do I
even begin….
I’m sitting
here trying to describe our birthing experience. I’ve been typing sentences and then erasing
them because there just isn’t the right word or words to describe it. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever
experienced, but obviously the most rewarding.
Even though it was rough, I would gladly do it again in a heartbeat. For the most part, we were able to follow our
birth plan and I think our preparation is also what makes it so easy to say
that.
I was
visiting a good friend of mine once and she shared her birthing
experience. She had an unmedicated home birth
and she was completely positive about everything she experienced. Even though it was intense, her story was
beautiful and actually sounded like a fairytale. I realized that was what I wanted someday. She told me about hypnobirthing and recommended
taking classes. I did some research, and
by the time I found out I was pregnant again I knew I wanted to prepare for a similar
unmedicated birth. Considering I don’t
handle pain very well, it was a scary and crazy decision, but I was determined
and willing to try.
We started
going to our hypnobirthing classes and found out just how amazing our teacher,
Lauralyn Curtis, is. I left the first
class feeling SO confident and excited to give birth. I didn’t fear the process. She taught us lots of amazing things,
including deep relaxation skills and she gave us music tracks that repeated
tons of positive affirmations. She
taught our partners different things they could do during the different stages
of labor. For example, my favorite thing
ended up being the hip squeeze. During
active labor, whenever I started feeling a contraction coming on, I would say, “hips
hips hips hips!!!!” and Bruno would run over to me and squeeze my hips as hard
as he could for the duration of the contraction. I never would have thought to have him to do
that, so learning those kinds of things was extremely helpful. By the way, he was amazing and came to my
aide anytime I needed him. He was
willing to do anything I asked, even though he was tired too. My favorite thing about the class was when we
learned about how our bodies worked, especially during pregnancy and labor. It’s amazing to understand what a woman’s
body is capable of. Anyway, the class
was awesome and the best thing we could have done to prepare for giving
birth. I will probably want to take it
again the next time around because it was that great.
Anyway, the
last few weeks of pregnancy were rough.
After being out of school for about a week, I had everything ready and
felt prepared for him to come any time.
I was extremely worried that he was going to come late. With my family only being here for a specific
amount of time and me wanting as much time with him before school starts again,
it was a big stress. I was also getting
uncomfortable. My feet were (and still
are) the size of watermelon. I would
wake up and feel like my belly gained five more pounds. It was difficult to walk and just hard to
move in general. I still tried to be as
positive as I could and tried to enjoy it as much as possible because I knew I
would miss being pregnant. At least, the
comfortable stage. J
And it’s true, I do miss it!
I had a
doctor’s appointment at 38 weeks and they told me he was measuring to be 41
weeks. He always measured about a week
ahead, but 3 weeks was a bit alarming. I
was excited, though, because it explained why I was feeling so heavy and I
hoped it meant he would come early. I
actually met with a PA that week because my doctor was out of town. She ordered an ultrasound to check the baby’s
weight. I don’t think my regular doctor
would have done that, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see him! We were able to get in that day and we were
told that he was measuring to be 8 pounds.
Meaning, if he were to come on his due date, he would be at least 9
pounds, since they gain about a half a pound a week at the end of
pregnancy. This scared me a bit, but
everyone told me not to worry because their weight predictions can be and
usually are way off. So, I didn’t panic
or let it get to my head.
I kept going
about my days and soon hit 39 weeks. I’m
not late yet, but I’m really starting to get anxious at this point. This is when we started going on more walks,
I started bouncing and moving around a lot on my yoga ball, and doing
everything that they say helps get labor started. My doctor’s appointment wasn’t helpful
because my cervix was still high and there were no signs of the baby coming
anytime soon. My doctor started talking
about induction if he wasn’t here by week 41.
I really wanted him to come on his own, so that also started to terrify me. This was on Tuesday, the 14th. I never would have guessed that my baby was
going to be here just 4 days later!
Bruno and I
decided to plan a very busy weekend to try and keep ourselves from going crazy. We were going to go to the Provo festival, go
see Finding Dory, have dinner with my principal, and lots of other little
things. I was really excited for our
last weekend of just the two of us and was actually hoping the baby would hold
off! I truly believe this is what got
labor started because needless to say, we didn’t do ANY of it! I definitely didn’t complain!!
Friday
morning, I woke up around 6:30ish, went to the bathroom and noticed that I was
losing my mucus plug! I was so excited,
I woke Bruno up and started pacing around, researching what this meant. I knew this was a good sign. However, I found out that it meant that labor
could start soon or it could start weeks from then. I laid back down and tried not to go
completely crazy. Around 7:00, I started
feeling contractions! This was it! I was so giddy. I had never felt so happy about feeling
intense pressure in my body. Lol. It was
intense from the beginning. They were about
5 minutes apart and lasted about 45 seconds.
Since I planned for an unmedicated birth, I figured I’d want to labor at
home as much as possible. I laid on the
couch and watched TV for a while. The
time actually went by pretty fast. I talked
to a friend and she said not to bother going to the hospital until contractions
were 45 seconds apart and more intense.
I figured I’d take that advice. I
assume I was texting friends and family about all this in the meantime. It’s all becoming a blur, though!
Around 2:00,
things were getting more intense. I
couldn’t get comfortable at home. Even
though I figured we’d just get sent back home, I wanted to go to the
hospital. For some reason, the idea of
laying in a hospital bed sounded much more relaxing than being at home. We packed our last minute things and headed
out the door. When I got to the
hospital, they checked my cervix and I was dilated to a 1 ½. I was excited, but I knew I could be a
centimeter dilated for hours or days. Dilation
doesn’t always mean anything. They kept
us for an hour to see if I’d progress.
Bruno and I were contacting family and friends at this point. We were so anxious that we didn’t even turn
on the TV. We literally just sat there
for an hour. The nurse checked me again and I
was at a 3! They said I was there to stay! I was so relieved.
I was sent
to another room and tried to make myself comfortable there. Contractions were continuing to get stronger. It definitely helped to lay in a bed that
could be adjusted. I didn’t expect to
labor much in bed, so I was surprised that it was what I usually
preferred. I did take a couple of hot
baths in their Jacuzzi tub (so wonderful!) and did a lot of standing and
walking around as well. What I didn’t like
was the nurse coming in every half hour to monitor contractions and the baby’s
heart rate. I knew it was for the safety
of the baby, but it was so annoying. I
think they checked my cervix every hour or so and each time I had
progressed! I couldn’t believe how fast
I was dilating. At this point, time
seemed to be going fast, for some reason.
The pressure was intense, but manageable. It actually wasn’t as bad as I expected, but
I knew it would get worse. Before I knew
it, I was dilated to literally 9 ¾. I
was feeling urges to push, but they didn’t want me to yet. I guess it could cause swelling and I’d likely
end up having a c-section. I either had
to wait until I was completely dilated or until my water broke. This is when things got rough. I tried everything I could to get my water to
break on its own. I wish I kept track of
the timing of everything. It was
probably around 1 or 2 am Saturday. I
thought for sure I’d have the baby by morning and I was excited about the
thought of our family and friends having news and baby pictures to wake up to. However, I couldn’t dilate past that. I never did.
Contractions were getting awful.
I started having one right after another with little to no breaks in
between. I was still determined to
breathe through them and continue unmedicated.
I think it was around noon when the doctor said he either needed to
break my water or start me on Pitocin to intensify contractions. I didn’t want Pitocin because I thought my
contractions were already intense enough and I didn’t want him to break my
water because again, contractions were causing a lot of pressure and I didn’t
want one more thing adding to that. Side
note: I had an on call doctor since we went in on a weekend. He wasn’t as gentle as my regular doctor and
I had a hard time liking him.
Anyway, my
only other option was to get an epidural.
That way, my body could relax and I wouldn’t feel the intensity of my
contractions and the doctor would be able to do cervical checks and break my
water. Everyone recommended I get one
since my body wasn’t getting the rest it needed. They were concerned that I wouldn’t have the
energy to push when the time came. Bruno
was so supportive and helpful during all of this. I can’t say that enough. Anyway, even though it wasn’t part of my
birth plan, I decided to listen to my body and go ahead with the epi. I was scared.
I’ve heard so many horror stories about how painful and long the needle
was. I thought I would prefer to go unmedicated
than have a needle going into my spine.
They needed to get an anesthesiologist to do it because earlier they
couldn’t even find my veins to do a saline lock. It’s funny because I have huge bruises on my
arms from all the times they poked me.
Bruno makes me wear longer sleeves when we go out because he doesn’t
want anyone, doctors especially, to think he abused me. Haha. Anyway,
I got the epidural and guess what?? It didn’t hurt at all!! Maybe it would have if I wasn’t focused on
the contractions. Fifteen minutes later,
I was in heaven! I could now see how
people choose to have multiple children.
Haha
Bruno said
he could tell I was feeling better because I was able to communicate with
people again. I checked my phone and had
lots of texts. I hadn’t been in touch
with anyone since the night before and it was now after noon. It was nice to relax for a little while and
to not feel a single contraction! They
said I had the perfect epidural because I was still able to feel and move my
legs, but I didn’t feel any contractions.
Unfortunately, I later found out just how perfect it wasn’t.
My water
finally broke as they were putting a monitor on the baby’s head (I think)? It was around 2:00pm when I started
pushing. It was really weird to push
when I couldn’t feel a thing. Haha But, the nurse was impressed and said I was
doing a great job because the baby was moving down faster than she thought he
would. I was so happy! She said with the epidural that I wouldn’t
feel the “ring of fire” and that the delivery would start to speed up. HAHAHA!
I’m glad I had a feeling that was too good to be true.
After a
little while, once again, we had another hiccup. They noticed that the baby was starting to
turn. I had to lay on a peanut pillow on
my side. They wanted me to do this for
20 minutes in hopes that he would turn back around. At this point, I started feeling contractions
again. They had Bruno push the button a
million times, but for whatever reason, the epidural never worked again. The worst thing you can tell a woman who is
feeling the urge to push is to not push.
I had to be relaxed if the baby was going to turn back. I must not have been very successful because
he was born posterior!
After what
felt like forever of trying to turn him, the doctor finally came in and we
started pushing. Fast forward three
hours, and I was still pushing and feeling EVERYTHING! Another reason I’m glad I prepared for an unmedicated birth – because I had heard of so many stories where the epidural didn’t work. The baby was basically stuck in my pelvis and
I had a hard time pushing him past it. Finally,
the doctor said I needed to push with all my soul for fifteen more
minutes. He promised the baby would be
here by then. I told myself that I could
do anything for fifteen minutes and that the pain was just temporary. He also told me that he could see the baby’s
head and that he had LOTS of dark hair!!
Okay, now the adrenaline started going.
Fifteen minutes later, the baby was close, but still not quite close
enough.
The doctor said I needed to
push through three more contractions and then he would use forceps, if needed. I gave it everything I had. He then used the forceps (not the most
comfortable thing in the world) and told me I needed to push one more time with
all my might, or else we’d have to do a c-section. After laboring for 35 hours, I did not want
this to end in a surgical birth. I would
have done whatever I needed to do to get him here safely, but it would have
been hard to get over, I think. Maybe
not. Anyway, he also did an episiotomy,
which I didn’t want, but anything to help get him here was worth it at this
point. So I gave that last push
everything I could muster within me. The
next thing I knew, I had a wide-eyed baby in my arms!!! I couldn’t believe I did it and that he was
FINALLY here!! Bruno was the best
support through all of this. He knew
exactly what to do and say and when. It
was because of him that I was able to accomplish the greatest thing I could
ever do in this life.
I quickly
found out that my Samuel Rey was over 9 pounds!! No wonder it took so long! He was also posterior, which also doesn’t
make for a quick or easy delivery. I had
to have 20-25 stitches afterwards. I
have to say, I’m pretty proud of myself.
A lot of people, mostly strangers, would look at me and tell me that I
looked huge and that I was too tiny to deliver a big baby. Man, did it feel good to prove them
wrong!
Of course,
we had some more hiccups. They were
worried about his breathing because he wasn’t extending his lungs all the way
and was making deep grunting noises.
They also found out that he had low blood sugar. In general, he just wasn’t feeling well and I’m
sure the forceps didn’t help his head. L
Poor guy! They took him to the Nicu
shortly after he was born. About an hour
later, I was moved to another room.
Bruno went to see the baby and was with him the whole time they treated
him. I was anxious for him to come back
so we could start sharing the news. We
finally caught up with everyone. I was
given the option to go see Sammy, but I was too exhausted to move. I feel asleep pretty quickly. The funny thing was, I woke up around
midnight and for some reason, thought it was noon the next day, so I started
texting people, including my boss. I
then realized how late it was.
Opps. I don’t think they minded,
though! J
The next
morning, I was able to go see and hold him.
He was off of his breathing tube and they were mostly just worried about
his blood sugar. They had to give him a
certain amount of medication before they could even start weaning him off the
IV and they predicted that he wouldn’t be ready to come home until Tuesday. Luckily, I was able to start breastfeeding on
Sunday and we noticed that it helped a lot!
In the meantime, we had a lot of visitors, which was fun. Bruno’s mom and sister, my Aunt Ann, our
friends – Laura and Ryan, our friends – Kelsey, Jessica, & Danielle, and my
brother all came to meet him.
On Monday,
we decided not to have any visitors and just focus on getting him healthy enough
to go home. That meant we didn’t get
much sleep because I needed to be breastfeeding or pumping since that’s what was
raising his blood sugar. He had a hard
time keeping formula down. We were able
to stay an extra night at the hospital for only $35, so that was super nice! On Tuesday morning, we met with the pediatrician
and he gave us the okay to go home!! I
cried when I got to hold Sammy without any cords attached to him. Best feeling ever!
We got home
and introduced him to his Great Grandma and Grandpa Clarke. We spent the rest of the day obviously
resting. Since then, every day (and even
night) has gotten better and better. We
are excited for my parents and sisters to meet him soon. He is so fun to show off, especially now that
I don’t feel like I’ve been hit by a train! Haha Recovery has been good to
me. I think my post partum has been
pretty good. Bruno might have a
different opinion. I do cry a lot. Mostly because I can’t believe we were given
this perfect child. I’ve been having
feelings of inadequacy. I just want to
give him the best of me. I want him to
always feel as happy as he’s made me feel.
Every time he cries, I feel bad because I feel like I’m not doing
something right. I also already dread
going back to work. I’m doing it for
him, though, and I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to provide for
him. It’s a good thing I love my
job! I know we’ll make it through. But as I said, things are getting better with
time and my confidence in taking care of a newborn is increasing.
We took him
to his first doctor’s appointment and they said Sammy looked great. They didn’t have any concerns. He’s already back to his birth weight, which
means my body is doing its job. We
bought formula just in case and it’s so nice not to have to use it, even though
it’s tempting at night! Overall, I think
we are on the right track with this whole parenting thing. As I’ve said, Bruno is the best father. I knew he would be. He’s really proactive and willing to do
anything. He’s just so good at taking
care of him. We are extremely blessed
and so happy to be on this new adventure.
Nothing has brought me greater joy than having a son. I’ve already been asked if I’d do it all
again and the answer is yes. In a heart
beat. I loved being pregnant and I loved
bringing life into this world. I look
forward to hopefully being blessed with more children. But for now, I am excited to see what’s in
store for our family of 3. We couldn’t
be more grateful.
