Our Birth Story

Where do I even begin….

I’m sitting here trying to describe our birthing experience.  I’ve been typing sentences and then erasing them because there just isn’t the right word or words to describe it.  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, but obviously the most rewarding.  Even though it was rough, I would gladly do it again in a heartbeat.  For the most part, we were able to follow our birth plan and I think our preparation is also what makes it so easy to say that. 

I was visiting a good friend of mine once and she shared her birthing experience.  She had an unmedicated home birth and she was completely positive about everything she experienced.  Even though it was intense, her story was beautiful and actually sounded like a fairytale.  I realized that was what I wanted someday.  She told me about hypnobirthing and recommended taking classes.  I did some research, and by the time I found out I was pregnant again I knew I wanted to prepare for a similar unmedicated birth.  Considering I don’t handle pain very well, it was a scary and crazy decision, but I was determined and willing to try.

We started going to our hypnobirthing classes and found out just how amazing our teacher, Lauralyn Curtis, is.  I left the first class feeling SO confident and excited to give birth.  I didn’t fear the process.  She taught us lots of amazing things, including deep relaxation skills and she gave us music tracks that repeated tons of positive affirmations.  She taught our partners different things they could do during the different stages of labor.  For example, my favorite thing ended up being the hip squeeze.  During active labor, whenever I started feeling a contraction coming on, I would say, “hips hips hips hips!!!!” and Bruno would run over to me and squeeze my hips as hard as he could for the duration of the contraction.  I never would have thought to have him to do that, so learning those kinds of things was extremely helpful.  By the way, he was amazing and came to my aide anytime I needed him.  He was willing to do anything I asked, even though he was tired too.  My favorite thing about the class was when we learned about how our bodies worked, especially during pregnancy and labor.  It’s amazing to understand what a woman’s body is capable of.  Anyway, the class was awesome and the best thing we could have done to prepare for giving birth.  I will probably want to take it again the next time around because it was that great.

Anyway, the last few weeks of pregnancy were rough.  After being out of school for about a week, I had everything ready and felt prepared for him to come any time.  I was extremely worried that he was going to come late.  With my family only being here for a specific amount of time and me wanting as much time with him before school starts again, it was a big stress.  I was also getting uncomfortable.  My feet were (and still are) the size of watermelon.  I would wake up and feel like my belly gained five more pounds.  It was difficult to walk and just hard to move in general.  I still tried to be as positive as I could and tried to enjoy it as much as possible because I knew I would miss being pregnant.  At least, the comfortable stage. J And it’s true, I do miss it!

I had a doctor’s appointment at 38 weeks and they told me he was measuring to be 41 weeks.  He always measured about a week ahead, but 3 weeks was a bit alarming.  I was excited, though, because it explained why I was feeling so heavy and I hoped it meant he would come early.  I actually met with a PA that week because my doctor was out of town.  She ordered an ultrasound to check the baby’s weight.  I don’t think my regular doctor would have done that, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see him!  We were able to get in that day and we were told that he was measuring to be 8 pounds.  Meaning, if he were to come on his due date, he would be at least 9 pounds, since they gain about a half a pound a week at the end of pregnancy.  This scared me a bit, but everyone told me not to worry because their weight predictions can be and usually are way off.  So, I didn’t panic or let it get to my head.

I kept going about my days and soon hit 39 weeks.  I’m not late yet, but I’m really starting to get anxious at this point.  This is when we started going on more walks, I started bouncing and moving around a lot on my yoga ball, and doing everything that they say helps get labor started.  My doctor’s appointment wasn’t helpful because my cervix was still high and there were no signs of the baby coming anytime soon.  My doctor started talking about induction if he wasn’t here by week 41.  I really wanted him to come on his own, so that also started to terrify me.  This was on Tuesday, the 14^th.  I never would have guessed that my baby was going to be here just 4 days later!

Bruno and I decided to plan a very busy weekend to try and keep ourselves from going crazy.  We were going to go to the Provo festival, go see Finding Dory, have dinner with my principal, and lots of other little things.  I was really excited for our last weekend of just the two of us and was actually hoping the baby would hold off!  I truly believe this is what got labor started because needless to say, we didn’t do ANY of it!  I definitely didn’t complain!!

Friday morning, I woke up around 6:30ish, went to the bathroom and noticed that I was losing my mucus plug!  I was so excited, I woke Bruno up and started pacing around, researching what this meant.  I knew this was a good sign.  However, I found out that it meant that labor could start soon or it could start weeks from then.  I laid back down and tried not to go completely crazy.  Around 7:00, I started feeling contractions!  This was it!  I was so giddy.  I had never felt so happy about feeling intense pressure in my body. Lol.  It was intense from the beginning.  They were about 5 minutes apart and lasted about 45 seconds.  Since I planned for an unmedicated birth, I figured I’d want to labor at home as much as possible.  I laid on the couch and watched TV for a while.  The time actually went by pretty fast.  I talked to a friend and she said not to bother going to the hospital until contractions were 45 seconds apart and more intense.  I figured I’d take that advice.  I assume I was texting friends and family about all this in the meantime.  It’s all becoming a blur, though! 

Around 2:00, things were getting more intense.  I couldn’t get comfortable at home.  Even though I figured we’d just get sent back home, I wanted to go to the hospital.  For some reason, the idea of laying in a hospital bed sounded much more relaxing than being at home.  We packed our last minute things and headed out the door.  When I got to the hospital, they checked my cervix and I was dilated to a 1 ½.  I was excited, but I knew I could be a centimeter dilated for hours or days.  Dilation doesn’t always mean anything.  They kept us for an hour to see if I’d progress.  Bruno and I were contacting family and friends at this point.  We were so anxious that we didn’t even turn on the TV.  We literally just sat there for an hour.  The nurse checked me again and I was at a 3!  They said I was there to stay!  I was so relieved.

I was sent to another room and tried to make myself comfortable there.  Contractions were continuing to get stronger.  It definitely helped to lay in a bed that could be adjusted.  I didn’t expect to labor much in bed, so I was surprised that it was what I usually preferred.  I did take a couple of hot baths in their Jacuzzi tub (so wonderful!) and did a lot of standing and walking around as well.  What I didn’t like was the nurse coming in every half hour to monitor contractions and the baby’s heart rate.  I knew it was for the safety of the baby, but it was so annoying.  I think they checked my cervix every hour or so and each time I had progressed!  I couldn’t believe how fast I was dilating.  At this point, time seemed to be going fast, for some reason.  The pressure was intense, but manageable.  It actually wasn’t as bad as I expected, but I knew it would get worse.  Before I knew it, I was dilated to literally 9 ¾.  I was feeling urges to push, but they didn’t want me to yet.  I guess it could cause swelling and I’d likely end up having a c-section.  I either had to wait until I was completely dilated or until my water broke.  This is when things got rough.  I tried everything I could to get my water to break on its own.  I wish I kept track of the timing of everything.  It was probably around 1 or 2 am Saturday.  I thought for sure I’d have the baby by morning and I was excited about the thought of our family and friends having news and baby pictures to wake up to.  However, I couldn’t dilate past that.  I never did.  Contractions were getting awful.  I started having one right after another with little to no breaks in between.  I was still determined to breathe through them and continue unmedicated.  I think it was around noon when the doctor said he either needed to break my water or start me on Pitocin to intensify contractions.  I didn’t want Pitocin because I thought my contractions were already intense enough and I didn’t want him to break my water because again, contractions were causing a lot of pressure and I didn’t want one more thing adding to that.  Side note: I had an on call doctor since we went in on a weekend.  He wasn’t as gentle as my regular doctor and I had a hard time liking him. 

Anyway, my only other option was to get an epidural.  That way, my body could relax and I wouldn’t feel the intensity of my contractions and the doctor would be able to do cervical checks and break my water.  Everyone recommended I get one since my body wasn’t getting the rest it needed.  They were concerned that I wouldn’t have the energy to push when the time came.  Bruno was so supportive and helpful during all of this.  I can’t say that enough.  Anyway, even though it wasn’t part of my birth plan, I decided to listen to my body and go ahead with the epi.  I was scared.  I’ve heard so many horror stories about how painful and long the needle was.  I thought I would prefer to go unmedicated than have a needle going into my spine.  They needed to get an anesthesiologist to do it because earlier they couldn’t even find my veins to do a saline lock.  It’s funny because I have huge bruises on my arms from all the times they poked me.  Bruno makes me wear longer sleeves when we go out because he doesn’t want anyone, doctors especially, to think he abused me.  Haha.  Anyway, I got the epidural and guess what?? It didn’t hurt at all!!  Maybe it would have if I wasn’t focused on the contractions.  Fifteen minutes later, I was in heaven!  I could now see how people choose to have multiple children.  Haha  

Bruno said he could tell I was feeling better because I was able to communicate with people again.  I checked my phone and had lots of texts.  I hadn’t been in touch with anyone since the night before and it was now after noon.  It was nice to relax for a little while and to not feel a single contraction!  They said I had the perfect epidural because I was still able to feel and move my legs, but I didn’t feel any contractions.  Unfortunately, I later found out just how perfect it wasn’t.

My water finally broke as they were putting a monitor on the baby’s head (I think)?  It was around 2:00pm when I started pushing.  It was really weird to push when I couldn’t feel a thing. Haha But, the nurse was impressed and said I was doing a great job because the baby was moving down faster than she thought he would.  I was so happy!  She said with the epidural that I wouldn’t feel the “ring of fire” and that the delivery would start to speed up.  HAHAHA!  I’m glad I had a feeling that was too good to be true. 

After a little while, once again, we had another hiccup.  They noticed that the baby was starting to turn.  I had to lay on a peanut pillow on my side.  They wanted me to do this for 20 minutes in hopes that he would turn back around.  At this point, I started feeling contractions again.  They had Bruno push the button a million times, but for whatever reason, the epidural never worked again.  The worst thing you can tell a woman who is feeling the urge to push is to not push.  I had to be relaxed if the baby was going to turn back.  I must not have been very successful because he was born posterior! 

After what felt like forever of trying to turn him, the doctor finally came in and we started pushing.  Fast forward three hours, and I was still pushing and feeling EVERYTHING!  Another reason I’m glad I prepared for an unmedicated birth – because I had heard of so many stories where the epidural didn’t work.  The baby was basically stuck in my pelvis and I had a hard time pushing him past it.  Finally, the doctor said I needed to push with all my soul for fifteen more minutes.  He promised the baby would be here by then.  I told myself that I could do anything for fifteen minutes and that the pain was just temporary.  He also told me that he could see the baby’s head and that he had LOTS of dark hair!!  Okay, now the adrenaline started going.  Fifteen minutes later, the baby was close, but still not quite close enough.

The doctor said I needed to push through three more contractions and then he would use forceps, if needed.  I gave it everything I had.  He then used the forceps (not the most comfortable thing in the world) and told me I needed to push one more time with all my might, or else we’d have to do a c-section.  After laboring for 35 hours, I did not want this to end in a surgical birth.  I would have done whatever I needed to do to get him here safely, but it would have been hard to get over, I think.  Maybe not.  Anyway, he also did an episiotomy, which I didn’t want, but anything to help get him here was worth it at this point.  So I gave that last push everything I could muster within me.  The next thing I knew, I had a wide-eyed baby in my arms!!!  I couldn’t believe I did it and that he was FINALLY here!!  Bruno was the best support through all of this.  He knew exactly what to do and say and when.  It was because of him that I was able to accomplish the greatest thing I could ever do in this life.

I quickly found out that my Samuel Rey was over 9 pounds!!  No wonder it took so long!  He was also posterior, which also doesn’t make for a quick or easy delivery.  I had to have 20-25 stitches afterwards.  I have to say, I’m pretty proud of myself.  A lot of people, mostly strangers, would look at me and tell me that I looked huge and that I was too tiny to deliver a big baby.  Man, did it feel good to prove them wrong! 

Of course, we had some more hiccups.  They were worried about his breathing because he wasn’t extending his lungs all the way and was making deep grunting noises.  They also found out that he had low blood sugar.  In general, he just wasn’t feeling well and I’m sure the forceps didn’t help his head. L Poor guy!  They took him to the Nicu shortly after he was born.  About an hour later, I was moved to another room.  Bruno went to see the baby and was with him the whole time they treated him.  I was anxious for him to come back so we could start sharing the news.  We finally caught up with everyone.  I was given the option to go see Sammy, but I was too exhausted to move.  I feel asleep pretty quickly.  The funny thing was, I woke up around midnight and for some reason, thought it was noon the next day, so I started texting people, including my boss.  I then realized how late it was.  Opps.  I don’t think they minded, though! J

The next morning, I was able to go see and hold him.  He was off of his breathing tube and they were mostly just worried about his blood sugar.  They had to give him a certain amount of medication before they could even start weaning him off the IV and they predicted that he wouldn’t be ready to come home until Tuesday.  Luckily, I was able to start breastfeeding on Sunday and we noticed that it helped a lot!  In the meantime, we had a lot of visitors, which was fun.  Bruno’s mom and sister, my Aunt Ann, our friends – Laura and Ryan, our friends – Kelsey, Jessica, & Danielle, and my brother all came to meet him. 

On Monday, we decided not to have any visitors and just focus on getting him healthy enough to go home.  That meant we didn’t get much sleep because I needed to be breastfeeding or pumping since that’s what was raising his blood sugar.  He had a hard time keeping formula down.  We were able to stay an extra night at the hospital for only $35, so that was super nice!  On Tuesday morning, we met with the pediatrician and he gave us the okay to go home!!  I cried when I got to hold Sammy without any cords attached to him.  Best feeling ever!

We got home and introduced him to his Great Grandma and Grandpa Clarke.  We spent the rest of the day obviously resting.  Since then, every day (and even night) has gotten better and better.  We are excited for my parents and sisters to meet him soon.  He is so fun to show off, especially now that I don’t feel like I’ve been hit by a train! Haha Recovery has been good to me.  I think my post partum has been pretty good.  Bruno might have a different opinion.  I do cry a lot.  Mostly because I can’t believe we were given this perfect child.  I’ve been having feelings of inadequacy.  I just want to give him the best of me.  I want him to always feel as happy as he’s made me feel.  Every time he cries, I feel bad because I feel like I’m not doing something right.  I also already dread going back to work.  I’m doing it for him, though, and I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to provide for him.  It’s a good thing I love my job!  I know we’ll make it through.  But as I said, things are getting better with time and my confidence in taking care of a newborn is increasing.

We took him to his first doctor’s appointment and they said Sammy looked great.  They didn’t have any concerns.  He’s already back to his birth weight, which means my body is doing its job.  We bought formula just in case and it’s so nice not to have to use it, even though it’s tempting at night!  Overall, I think we are on the right track with this whole parenting thing.  As I’ve said, Bruno is the best father.  I knew he would be.  He’s really proactive and willing to do anything.  He’s just so good at taking care of him.  We are extremely blessed and so happy to be on this new adventure.  Nothing has brought me greater joy than having a son.  I’ve already been asked if I’d do it all again and the answer is yes.  In a heart beat.  I loved being pregnant and I loved bringing life into this world.  I look forward to hopefully being blessed with more children.  But for now, I am excited to see what’s in store for our family of 3.  We couldn’t be more grateful.              

The Best Part About Becoming a Mother

Hi friends!  It's hard to believe that we are three weeks (or hopefully less) away from having a baby!  Now that school is over, he is pretty much all we think about.  We are anxious and ready (as we'll ever be) for this big life change and blessing.  I have a hard time sleeping at night because I can't stop daydreaming about how everything is going to play out.  I've thought of a hundred different scenarios, even though I'm sure our birth story will be way different than what I ever picture in my mind.  As long as baby and I are safe and healthy, I'm okay with when and how he decides to come.  Anyway, I often picture the moment when he is placed on my chest just after he is born.  I've always thought that that moment will be the best moment of my entire life.  However, there is actually something I'm looking forward to even more.  The best part about becoming a mother is going to be watching Bruno become a father.

He claims he's not good with kids, especially newborns, but it is so endearing to watch him interact with babies, toddlers, older children, and even teenagers.  It's understandable that he'll feel more comfortable around his own, but he is still so good with all my younger cousins and with our friends who have kids.  I just can't wait to see the bond he'll develop with Sammy.  I know my heart will explode!  Bruno is planning on receiving (delivering) him.  He's already made our doctor very aware that he wants to be highly involved in the birthing process.  He knows what my birth priorities are and I know he'll advocate for me and make sure they are met as much as possible.  I am just incredibly grateful for a husband who is not afraid of blood and is feeling confident about this process.  He's definitely the reason I've been at ease.  I've probably bragged about him in every post and I hope it's not getting old, but I never want to take him for granted, even though he worries about and googles everything! ;)  He's already the best dad for our baby!

As far as being 37, almost 38 weeks pregnant goes, it's been interesting.  Yesterday, Bruno and I were taking a nap and I wanted to get out of bed without waking him up and it seemed like my only option was to literally roll off the bed.  I was hoping I could be discrete about it, but it ended up sounding like a loud thump and Bruno woke up in a panic.  If I'm laying down, I have a hard time getting up by myself, which isn't fun when I have to go to the bathroom 10 times a night!

I also thought that I'd get away without having swollen hands or feet, but nope.  My feet are huge!  I'm just happy that they swelling has waited until the last month of pregnancy.  I'm grateful and surprised that it was never an issue while I was in school and on my feet all day.  I"ll take it as a sign that the end is near!

I've discovered that I'm finally to the point where I just need to take it easy.  We went to a wedding reception yesterday morning, and while it was fun and I seemed fine at the time, I was completely exhausted when we got home and the whole day was shot.  Although, I did have an urge to clean later that night.  Thankfully, Bruno just goes with the flow of my mood and supports whatever I'm feeling up to, whether it's cleaning/nesting like crazy, or staying home and watching Netflix for hours.

A lot of people (strangers, friends, & family) have told me that I look miserable and ready to be done with pregnancy.  I'll admit that I probably don't look my best, but even with the exhaustion that comes with being 9 months pregnant, I wouldn't say that I'm miserable.  I'm actually still enjoying it!  I talked to a friend about this the other day and she also agreed that it's really annoying when people say, "you look miserable," or, "you look really tired!"  Usually, I don't feel that way even if I look it.  And yes, I'm ready to be done with pregnancy, but again, not because I am miserable, but because I am just so excited to meet my son!  I might have said this before, but I'm nervous about not being pregnant anymore, simply because I've loved it so much.  I'm going to miss it!  But, at the same time, I'm ready for new adventures and I know I'll be even happier to have him here. :)

It's crazy to think that my next post will probably be our birth story!  I've always been fascinated with giving birth and it makes me so excited to finally have a story of my own.  When I was probably like, nine or ten years old, I would watch "A Baby Story" on TLC all the time and lately I've been watching birthing videos on thetouchoflife.com.  I love teaching, but I'm wondering if I should have become a doula. :)  

Well, stay tuned!  I can't wait to see who guesses our birthing day right!