I didn't feel right sharing details of our current pregnancy without sharing the story of our first. I'm not sure where to start, but if you end up reading what will probably be a long blog, then I want to say thanks in advance. For me, talking about this experience is still very healing.
At the beginning of last year, Bruno and I decided that we wanted to start a family. We were obviously very excited and even more shocked when we found out I was pregnant just a couple of weeks after we made our decision. Thank goodness it was a Saturday and we were able to spend the whole day celebrating. We called close friends and family right away to tell them the news. We waited to tell Bruno's family that night since we were having dinner with them, so we announced by writing it on a cake.
The whole time I was pregnant I felt great. I had some symptoms, but I never experienced morning sickness. Our first doctor's appointment wasn't until April 17th. If my calculations were right, I should have been about 10 weeks pregnant. I didn't understand how dating a pregnancy works, (I still don't. haha) but I knew had I to be at least 8 weeks since I had taken a positive test 8 weeks prior.
At the doctor's office, everything seemed to be looking good until the doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. She told us not to panic because it's sometimes still hard to find at that point. Thankfully, she scheduled us to have an ultrasound done right away. At first, I didn't think much of it and was excited that we'd get to see our little peanut. For some reason, it took her a little while to get an appointment made for the ultrasound, so we spent what felt like a lifetime waiting for our doctor to tell us we could go. The longer I sat, the more reality sunk in. I started questioning everything and just got this dark feeling that we weren't going to see or hear what we wanted. I can't express how great Bruno was through all of this. He was feeling it too, but he was still able to comfort me.
We finally got to the hospital for the ultrasound. I'm obsessed with ultrasound pictures and videos, so I knew what to look for. I immediately looked over at Bruno and shook my head when I saw that there was no heartbeat, especially since the ultra sound tech didn't give us any immediate reassurance. She kept asking if I had my dates right, which was really annoying because I felt like they were very accurate. She explained that the baby was only measuring to be six weeks. She said that either my dates were way off or the baby never developed a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I knew which one it was. There was NO way I was only six weeks, so it was frustrating when she said they were going to schedule another ultra sound 10 days later to see if there'd be any growth. If not, we'd plan a D&C. Even though I knew in my heart what happened, it was really hard to leave without any definite answers.
After we left, I immediately called my mom. Having gone through it twice herself, she didn't have to say much to be of comfort. I knew she knew exactly how I felt. Bruno called his mom. We called and talked to other friends. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of love we received from everyone. I'll never forget it. Bruno's mom came over right away and was so comforting to me. She is the best mother-in-law. She just knew exactly what to say and do.
Of course, in the process of all this, we were also in the process of moving, so it was a crazy time. On top of it, I went to school the following Monday feeling really sick. I ended up going home early. The same thing happened on Tuesday, so I went to my doctor. She's a family doctor, so it was kind of nice to see her again because I was able to ask questions about miscarriage. Anyway, I found out I had strep. On the way out of the office, I started feeling some cramping. I knew what was happening and it was actually kind of a relief because I wanted to miscarry on my own, rather than have a D&C.
Thank goodness my aide was amazing and was able to sub for me for the rest of the week. Wednesday morning, I woke up and felt like I was having a regular period. I felt okay and was able to get some packing done. I didn't think a natural miscarriage would physically be all that bad. Ha! I was wrong. Around 2:00 in the afternoon, the pain gradually started getting stronger. It really felt as if I were in labor, although I know that real labor is physically much worse! Bruno gave me a blessing of strength and comfort. Again, he was amazing. So patient, comforting, and helpful. Of course, I didn't think to take medicine for the pain, but I'm actually glad I didn't because it made me rely on my Savior for help. It got to a point where I felt like I was going to die. (I don't handle pain well...I'm not quite sure how I'll handle full term labor...) I prayed really hard for it to end and within five minutes, it was done. I knew my Savior heard my pleas and it was then that I knew without a doubt that He hears and answers our prayers.
Things got better over the next few days. Like I said, I have the best of friends and it was so nice to have them visit. They brought us meals, flowers, cards, etc...We'll never forget the kindness and love we received. My strep finally got better and I was able to go back to school on Monday. We'll never forget this experience, but thankful that time was able to heal the loss.
I wanted to share our story because one of the first things I did when I found out we miscarried was read a blog of a friend who had also recently miscarried. I read her blog at the time she posted it, but found it again and read it through a second time. It was comforting to know that others have gone through a similar experience and were able to make it out strong. For me, talking about it helps and if my experience can help someone get through their's, then I want to share it.
Five months later, we were able to get pregnant again. The baby that comes after a loss can be known as a rainbow baby, since a rainbow comes after a storm and can give us hope of brighter days. We are so excited for our June rainbow. :)
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